I GO! De‑EGO/Pep talk Special: How to Get Rid of Stage Nerves in Seconds: Get. Over. Yourself.

“To be interesting, you must learn to turn your attention outward, to focus on the other person.” Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction

[Some of you mentioned you enjoyed the practical tips on communication I’ve shared in past editions. Hear you, people - so here you are!]

People often ask how I manage nerves before stepping on stage.

My No. 1 advice: stop making it about YOU.

To be remembered, to speak powerfully, to light up a room - you must GET OUT of your head, and lose yourself.

At the risk of sounding slightly provocative, have you ever considered that shyness, timidity, even introversion may be a form of reverse narcissism? Where the internal monologue still centres around one person, namely... you?

Your insecurities, anxieties, hang-ups, spirals of self-doubt, imposter syndrome… In “that” moment? They are completely irrelevant. This self-focus increases cognitive load, you need to direct attention where it matters: others.

Presence is about showing up in this time, in this place - not trapped in an internal labyrinth of distorted self-perception (Ego is so unkind and subjective anyway - so why give it so much credit?)

Task re-orientation, Outward Focus & Purpose Anchoring

You stand, speak, present to serve. It’s not about you but your message – or your organisation’s, your clients’, a cause you care about.

That is your primary objective. You are ON A MISSION to ensure the message is understood and resonates (and it will if it is relevant to people’s lives - what journalists call the ‘Why?). Always keep your eyes on that ball.

Re-centre

Being on stage, or standing in public, is deeply unnatural – more flight than fight. The body wants to disappear. The breath shortens. Panic creeps in.

But you must beat your reptilian brain and anchor yourself. Breathe. Focus. Reclaim the space. Own the discomfort: offer presence instead of perfection.

Most people retreat inwar

d, shrink, when feeling exposed, yet the key is doing exactly the opposite. You need to expand, connect with the room. Tune in. Look. Listen. What do people need to hear and feel? Then adjust.

You are exactly where you should be: practice gratitude

I tell nervous speakers they are incredibly lucky. “Someone believes you bring something to the table, that you add value with your expertise. You are chosen. Congratulations! Now go shine and enjoy yourself.”

So next time: less intellect, more intuition. Less content, more relevance. Less ego, more empathy. Less “How am I coming across?”, more “What do they need from me right now?”

And what the world needs right now? Hope. Energy. Love.

So go, give them some.

With a pinch of tough love,

Charlotte

I’m Charlotte Kan, a conversation architect. I build emotional and intellectual spaces where ideas meet, collide, breathe, and elevate - turning exchanges into deep insight and meaningful human moments that truly transform.